The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
