Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
