You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
