your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
