i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
