did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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