once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
