you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
