...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
