you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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