I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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