I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
