Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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