she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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