He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Randomize
