At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
