I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?