I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit