I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
These Medical Professionals Recall the Worst Cases of Hypochondria They’ve Seen
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.