and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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