Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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