just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
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