I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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