found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
