I molested 6 butterflies tonight
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
