Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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