hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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