don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
