Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize