Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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