She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
