plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
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