That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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