I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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