Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
