I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
