y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I intend to get homeless drunk
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
