well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
