I wish I could teleport
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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