just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize