so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
