you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
