Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
