did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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