I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
