I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
