I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
