Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
