I murdered the dance floor call the cops
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
