Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
