Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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