how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
