My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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