My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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