don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
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I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Sorry about my life...
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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