I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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