Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
