WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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