Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
