About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
