the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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