what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
